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when he lost his temper, and that was rarely over
her work.
She always felt very clumsy, very large and awk-
ward, at the start of rehearsals. Her feet seemed to
trip her up. Her hands felt like sausages. She would
stumble on stage, flushed and shaking, a sick sen-
sation in the pit of her stomach.
But once rehearsals were under way she lost all
this fear. She became immersed in the character
she was playing. Her body grew so light she barely
felt it. Her own emotions, fears, dreams fell away
and she took on this other personality; a shy, eager,
terrified young girl lost in nightmare, crying silently
for help with eloquent gestures.
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The dress rehearsal culminated for her in her
final scene her one speech. When she did speak at
last she felt all her grief and despair ringing out,
reaching out to the audience. It was a moment
which left her exhausted, wrung.
As the curtain fell, Dodie turned to her and em-
braced her with a weeping sincerity which was more
of an accolade than the loudest applause. Katrine
knew that she, herself, was crying because there
were tears running into her mouth at the corners,
but she was so totally absorbed in the moment that
she was unable to feel anything.
The rest of the company crowded round her,
congratulating her. Then Max was on stage, as taut
as a whip lash, his face pale and set.
`What the hell is this? A mutual admiration
society? We haven't had the inquest yet, so don't
start thinking you can all relax and go home. I've
got a list of problems as long as the Forth Bridge. So
you can stop patting each other on the back and
hear the truth about that abortion of a perform-
ance ...'
They all stared at him, taken aback and down-
cast. He gestured to them to sit down. Then he took
them apart, one by one, bitterly cross-questioning
them, pointing out failures and praising where they
had succeeded. They listened intently, frowning.
It was a long time before they were allowed to go
home, and by then their momentary euphoria had
quite evaporated.
Katrine looked at Dodie, angry and hurt. 'Why
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1
was he so completely merciless? It wasn't that bad!'
Dodie smiled at her reassuringly. 'It is bad luck to
make too much of a dress rehearsal. Often that
makes the cast relax, then they are lazy and bad on
the first night. A bad dress rehearsal makes for a
good first night.'
'I see,' said Katrine, not quite sure that she did
see. Cleo laughed, which was surprising, since Max
had been particularly hard on her.
`Darling, even if we have a smash hit of a first
night, Max will be at our throats next morning with
another little list of weak points for us to work on
... don't imagine for a moment that rehearsals stop
just beause we've gone into production! Max will
keep us on our toes.'
Nicky joined them, eyeing Cleo uncertainly. She
gave him a long, cold stare in return. Katrine dis-
creetly moved off with Dodie to join Rolf and Max.
Max glanced across at Nicky and. Cleo. Then he
looked at Katrine, raising those pointed eyebrows.
'Know all about it now, do you? Perhaps you can
see why I told you that your cousin was worthless.'
'Nicky isn't worthless. He has been unlucky,' she
said with hot loyalty. 'But he really loves Cleo ...'
Then, realising that she was speaking to Max who,
also, perhaps loved Cleo, she went pale and compres-
sed her lips.
'Is that what he told you?' Max questioned her,
his tone acid. 'You really can fool some of the people
all of the time, can't you?'
`Nicky meant it. He loves Cleo, I'm sure of it.'
69
Max's grey eyes probed her face. He sounded
bitter, angry, disillusioned. 'What did he hand you?
A consolation prize? A few goodbye kisses? Or have
you decided it was Roddy you preferred anyway?
You certainly know how to pick second-rate men. It
must be a unique gift.'
She found his tone so unpleasant that she glared
at him with wounded dislike. She was strung up,
emotionally drained, after the dress rehearsal. One
of these painful squabbles with Max was the last
thing she needed.
She followed Dodie and Rolf out to the car and
drove off with them, eager to be home and free to
relax.
When she got back she had a shower and went to
bed, her appetite completely vanished. Sebby did
not argue. He knew it was best to let nature take its
course.
She slept badly, waking from time to time with a
feeling of intense fear, a suffocating terror which
she could not shake off.
At last the darkness faded and pale light crept
across the room to the sound of the morning chorus
from the birds. She dressed and went down to the
kitchen. Sebby was already down, squeezing oranges.
He looked at her, gestured to the coffee pot. She
sighed. 'How do I look?'
'Terrible,' he said frankly. 'Like an old grey
blanket.'
She giggled. 'I wish there was some way out of
this,' she said after another moment. 'I wish I'd
170
never agreed to do it. I've got a feeling that it is
going to be the most disastrous evening of my whole
life ! '
CHAPTER TEN
MAX insisted that Katrine rest for several hours that
afternoon. She protested that she felt perfectly fit,
but he firmly led her up to her room, drew the cur-
tains to shut out the sunlight and turned down the
covers on her bed.
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