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again! It makes superstitious fools and prisoners of us all. Is there any
proof that it would be effective against an attack upon our minds?'
Van Helsing shook his head. 'No, but -'
'Then I won't allow it!' Calming down, he sat beside me, his head in his
hands. 'No, Professor. None of that yet, I beg you. I do not want to believe
that we have to go through all that sorrow again. The garlic and such might
even summon the evil into some more
substantial form.'
'How?' I gasped.
'By making it seem too real.'
Again a racking silence, as if our little world had been shaken by an
earthquake.
'Perhaps Jonathan is right,' I said. 'What would we tell Elena, Quincey and
the servants? I don't wish them to know anything about it!'
We were silent for a while. Van Helsing gave a heavy sigh. 'Very well, friend
Jonathan. You are right, it has not come to that. For now, I ask only dial you
born continue to keep a record of all your dreams and moods, noting times of
day or night. I
watch over you. I study my books for some reference dial may help. The
question I ask is this: can a vampire have a ghost that haunts us? Or is it
mat our own minds turn against us - deceiving us that our memories are at
peaceful rest, only to rear out of sleep like a fiery dragon when least we
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expect it?'
Later
Sleep will not come. My lip is swollen and pains me, my head aches from
turning our conversation over and over in my mind.
Now dial I am watching for something to happen, nothing does!
A while ago, I went to Jonathan's room. All I wanted was to slip my arms
around him that we might comfort each other and thus find easeful rest. I went
to his bedside and put my hand upon him, whispering, 'Jonathan?' But he
started away from me. When he turned up the lamp, his eyes were fierce with
dread. 'Keep away from me, Mina!' he said.
'Until I am free of him, you must not come near me!'
'But Jonathan,' I said, 'I am not afraid of you. I refuse to be afraid! I
can't sleep. Let me comfort you.'
Then a look of such cold suspicion crossed his face dial it makes me weep to
recollect it. 'Did you come in here thinking to find him?'
The inference so horrified me that I gasped, and backed away. 'If you think
that, I - I
cannot stay until I am free of this stain of suspicion!'
As if stricken by what he'd said, he reached out to me. 'Mina - I am sorry - I
-' But I
fled the room, I could not bear any more. I feel so alone, I will see if Elena
is awake.
Strange, Elena is not in her room! Nor was she in the kitchen, where I might
have expected to meet a fellow non-sleeper. She may have been with Quincey -
but as there was no light under his door, I did not wish to disturb him. Now I
feel sleep coming at last, thank God. I will not fight it.
JONATHAN HARKER S JOURNAL
'
4 November
Relations remain difficult between Mina and myself. After all these years
without a cross word, never a moment of disharmony! I cannot believe it is
happening - but I
cannot forgive her, can barely bring myself to look at her.
It was not me to whom she submitted when those black fits came upon me, but to
Dracula. She cannot, or will not, admit it, but I know the truth. We both
know, and therefore we cannot speak openly, cannot even look each other in the
eye. Of course we maintain the veneer of civility for the benefit of our
guests - Elena suspects nothing - but
Van Helsing is too shrewd to be fooled.
After breakfast he took me into the study and spoke fervently. 'My friend, I
beg your forgiveness for bringing this trouble to you!'
'What do you mean?'! said, puzzled. 'The trouble is all ours; you are helping
to alleviate it.'
'I mean that by hypnotizing you, I brought to the surface matters between
yourself and
Mina that were better left unsaid. But now they are said, they poison the love
between you. Ah, this is all my fault! I would do anything to undo it!'
To this I could say nothing, for he was right. Not that I blame him in any
way!
For who is to blame? Myself, for being so weak as to let Dracula's vile
phantom inside me, or Mina, who resisted his attack on her mind yet welcomed
his vicarious embrace?
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Oh God, dear God. Or is Dracula alone to blame? But how can we deny all
responsibility? For every time we fail to resist evil, we collude with it.
Is it possible that Mina loved - loves - Dracula? How else could she welcome
him so fervently into her arms? Or is it simply that I have gone mad?
How I despise myself for casting such vile stains upon my wife's character -
she who has always been a perfect angel, to me and to everyone about us! But
each time I look at her I remember her gleaming eyes, her parted lips, as if
she had turned into one of those fiends from Castle Dracula.
I am sitting on the terrace as I write, trying to make sense of all this.
Elena has come to sit beside me. She seems so serene. She says nothing yet her
presence soothes me; as if, standing outside our trouble, she has the power to
cleanse the taint from my soul... for a little while, at least.
MINA HARKER S JOURNAL
'
4 November
Again I feel refreshed for a morning with Elena and Quincey, two innocents
untouched by all this!
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